It’s been a bit longer then a week ago and every morning I wake up, still the first thing I think about is you sascha.
Is this for real? Did this really happen to you and all these other people?
I still can’t believe it and especially when something so incredible big and political hits you personally so close.
A flight that is so common to take to Australia or Asia. A flight I took many times and litterally twice in the last weeks. A flight on a route that most of my travel friends take very often. And so was it this time, a flight with somebody in it and that was you Sas, you were there at the wrong time and wrong place.
It is a heartbreaking nightmare to hear about what happened to you and all the other people in that plane.
Since thursday 17th of July it is a rollercoaster of moments where everything is fine mixed with many thoughts, feelings, memories, angryness, sadness, over-analyising the bigger picture, shock and grief.
I strangely enough felt the urge to read through our facebook chats, emails and phone messages on my old phone. They go back from the time we were living in the same house a couple of years ago. Sarphatipark. The second floor was yours and tessa’s floor! The two tall girls I called you both, especially compare to me. A house where you have lived in for many years. A house that kept changing roommates, and I think a house that you called for a long time home.
You always worked hard. A very smart young lady and you had a goal. It was definately a sign that you, a talented girl with lots of potential in the journalism world, got accepted for both master degrees you were interested in. That was already 2 years ago.
Now, you were about to go into the last fase of the course. Only one year left to finish your master degree, already working as a freelance journalist with some great articles publiced in NCR and Parool. So you were for sure at the beginning of a wonderful career.
Time is passing faster and faster the older I get. But still time looks to be standing still if I think about you not coming back anymore.
You said in a message you were so incredibly proud to see me dance after a performance you went to see the night before. You always made the effort to come and watch.
Some messages later it was me saying to you how proud I was to read your first full page article Hotel overspel in parool.
We both said; it was definately time to catch up soon cause so much had happened this year. Very painful to realise that next time will not happen anymore.
We lived at Sarphatipark together in a house full of girls. I remember our many morning breakfast chats about career choices, travelling, friends and analysing our love-life-dilemma’s. Then you met Tim. He became your love of your life and with him you were about to go on a well deserved holiday to Bali.
You were strong in your opinions. You had a goal and you were going straight at it. You were really good in giving advice when was needed.
Thinking beyond the obvious, curiousity in the world. Travelling a lot, hungry to share your stories, and very open to listen to others, adventurous, and you loved drinking wine, laughing and dancing.
If I close my eyes I can see you and I can still hear you crying with laughter when Kaki had to laugh about something in our house. This chain reaction of laughing could continue for a long time. We would look at each other and laugh even harder with tears rolling down our cheeks.
Really, for me you were a very warm person and most of it a very honest person. If something was not cool, you said so. If something was great, it was even more appreciated because of your honesty.
For your parents, your sister Fieke and the rest of the family, for all your strong and special friends from the past and now, for Meike, Judith, Xanel, Daphne and Tessa and for all the other people who were close physically or mentally in your life; I am sending you a big dose of love and strenght in this nightmare.
I can not believe that the future will not be able to meet you Sascha.
The future will miss out on a talented and inspirational girl.
You will be remembered in our hearts. Forever.
Sascha, I will miss you